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The days of divorced dads picking up their kids every other Friday evening and bringing them back home to Mom Sunday nights may not be Completely gone yet, but they’re dwindling. Today’s divorced parents are changing the child custody landscape with continued co-habitation, nesting and other creative, non-traditional co-parenting arrangements.
Divorce can be hard on kids, no matter what age they are. While dealing with the separation of their parents is by far the hardest thing to handle, moving back and forth between homes is almost equally as disruptive. To combat this, some parents are giving children custody of the family home in an arrangement called nesting.
Instead of moving the kids in and out of the house, each parent takes turns living in the family home with the kids. This allows the children to remain in familiar surroundings,continue going to the same schools, remain involved in their established extra-curricular activities and stay in close contact with their friends. Mom and Dad maintain separate residences where they live temporarily while the other stays with the children, parenting them in the “nest” for set time periods.
Maintaining two or three residences is cost-prohibitive for many divorced couples. Some divorced parents opt instead to continue sharing their former “marital home” with their children after divorce. They may live together as room-mates while co-parenting simultaneously or they might establish a schedule allowing them to take turns. If the house is large enough, they might each have their own smaller removed “space” that they take turns living in while the “on-duty” parent lives in the main part of the residence, parenting the children.
The nesting arrangement requires adequate finances to accommodate multiple residences and the shared space set-up necessitates the ability to continue living together in harmony. Somewhere between these two concessions lies the neighboring option.
For these ex-spouses, living separate from one another, but in close proximity, allows them to continue parenting their children on a daily basis with minor disruption to the kids. They may have homes on the same street or apartments in the same complex. The children can move back and forth between their parents’ residences freely, giving them open access to both mom and dad and eliminating many of the issues present when divorced parents live more distant from one another.
Putting the Kids First
Obviously, these types of parenting arrangements require an extremely amicable relationship between the ex-spouses. They’re clearly not for everyone. Regardless, whether parents are in a position to choose one of these newly popular modernized co-parenting set-ups or they develop their own creative custody arrangement, the important thing is that they serve the best interests of the children.
At Mejias Milgrim Alvarado, we are committed to helping our clients meet that objective by exploring their unique situations and negotiating child custody arrangements that work best for all. Come talk to us about your Family Law requirements.
No one likes car trouble – especially when it comes to doing tune up. Raise your hood and you can quickly see its not a place for anyone but an expert. However, after years of working on tune ups, I found today’s motors seldom need a tune up.
The problem they do have is one you can correct – I’ll show you how.
What usually happens is a film of sticky, tar-like oil and carbon alters fuel delivery, deters combustion, hinders oiling and sticks hydraulic lifters and valves. those conditions all combine to reduce or lower power output, cause rough idle, tapping noise, lousy fuel economy, and smelly exhaust problems.
When the motors computer tries to make adjustments, results are confusing as the computer can’t make allowences for those kinds of problems. So, the problem may worsen.
Proper cleaning of those dirty systems using special cleaning and friction modifying chemistry is called for.
After cleaning and friction reducing – free movement and function will return to every internal part, and this restores proper breathing, raises vacuum, peaks combustion, and lets the computer re-tune the motor on-the-fly – meaning, as you drive along, to a best-ever setting. Does this make sense to you?
This following describes how to do a professional fuel injector service and the ideal products to order and use.
A product I use successfully to clean fuel injectors, eliminate rough idling, loss of power, end valve tap – all a common cause of all of the above problems, is called, the Mega Power Worn Motor Treatment.
Its simplicity of use and instant results shows it to be a great invention. it will help restore the motors performance and get the job done right.
If you can add oil to the motor you can do this.
Basically, you split cleaning of the motor into two sections. There is a top-side cleaning – using 3 different cleaners. 1- Add a gas tank cleaner to the fuel tank. 2- Add a valve cleaner to the oil. 3- Add a combustion cleaner into a vacuum line like the PVC valve. This cleans the top side of the motor. I will WALK YOU THROUGH THE PROCEDURE, and make it easy for you to clean the fuel injectors, and other motor systems, for pleasing results..
This is followed by a bottom-side, or oil side cleaning, using 3 more products. One in the dirty oil which is replaced during oil change, and two added to the new oil. Hundreds of car owners – not just mechanics have followed this method to solve their motor problems – and saved themselves hundreds of dollars.
For details, why not take a look at the exact steps and products to use by visiting…. http://www.auto-tune-up-and-repair-options.com/Car-tune-up.html
It’s such a ridiculous notion to actually think of making sense out of something that defies logic, defies knowing and is beyond our understanding. That is the loss of a loved one and the resulting grief that absolutely rips through our life and our very being.
In the early stages of grief and loss it’s totally impossible to use any of our intellectual faculties to consider what’s going on. Our brain is somehow in a fog, cut off from us by an invisible shield. It operates on automatic and short circuits regularly. We’re far below any level of optimal functioning and don’t we know it? The thought of any rationality of the whole experience, of making sense of what’s happened to us is as remote as a far distant continent. The obliterating pain of grief is all we know and thoughts of the person we love so very much, who now has DIED, consumes us totally.
Fast forward a little and the fog clears enough for the brain to raise its hand and say “Hey, don’t forget me. I want to put in my two bobs worth.” With logic now stepping into the foray we begin to search. Our questioning becomes relentless. We desperately want answers. Now we do want to make sense of it all, but still we are cut off. The invisible shield remains, we just can’t seem to breach the barrier and get there. We are here. A place far from where we want to be.
It can feel like a battle raging within and without that pervades our being as we deal with the hardest thing we are ever likely to experience. Often times we don’t even want to be here, it all becomes so excruciating painful, so hopeless, so relentless.
So where is the sense in all of this? I wish it was as easy as a, b, c but loss, grief, mourning and healing is not a simple thing to make sense of. Do we really need to? Perhaps not, perhaps it’s more about being in the experience of grief and allowing the ‘knowing’ to come in its own time.
When I think of the evolution of my own understanding, when I was able to come to my own interpretation of what it all means, I began to let go of the desperate need to know everything. I began to accept that I will never know the why. I will only know the now and my perspective on my loss changed. There was a shift. I find I am now guided by four key beliefs that somehow give me some semblance of making sense of it all. They have supported my healing and helped me to find peace in my heart:
– I will never know why.
– No matter how I experience grief and how I mourn, it changes not one little bit what has happened. What it does change is how long I suffer.
– Now is the only thing I can make sense of – there is nothing else except the present moment that I truly know and can depend upon.
– Love is all I know. The love in my heart that has transcended my loss and continues to guide my life every single moment.
I’d like to leave you with a beautiful piece of writing which talks of questions and answers and the evolution of ourselves.
“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, as if they were locked rooms, or books written in a very foreign language.
Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
~ Rainer Maria Rilke
With the history of pizza, you find it is a mystery with no clear starting point. We cannot start with its etymology. The word “pizza” is derived from the Latin word picea, meaning ‘the burning of bread using an oven.’ Pizzicare is Italian for pizza and means ‘to pinch or to pluck.’ The origin of pizza starts when man invented fire.
The history of pizza may start over 20,000 years ago. Archeologists discovered that cavemen combined crushed wheat germ with water and cooked this mixture on burning stones. The first pizza stone! Cavemen did not invent pizza as we know it. Who invented it? It remains a mystery, but here are some facts.
The history of pizza evolved in the Stone Age when flat bread started to take on pizza-like form. Early settlers in modern Italy topped flat bread with various ingredients. The flat pizza bread was a poor man’s substitute for a plate or utensil. Some maintain this substitution originated with the Greeks as they used a flat, round bread known as plankuntos that was baked with an assortment of toppings and then used as a plate.
The ancient Egyptians made contributions to the history of pizza making by developing both the ‘rising dough’ technique and the first ever conic-shaped oven-the first pizza oven. They used this oven invention to prepare flat bread that was garnished with herbs to celebrate their Pharaoh’s birthday. Ancient Egyptians invented the first pizza party!
The Persian Empire has a place in the history of pizza. Legend has it that Darius the Great’s army baked flat bread on metal shields and used cheese and dates as toppings. This pizza-like food nourished the armies as they conquered the world at that time.
The Roman Empire played a part in recording the history of pizza. A Roman historian, Marcus Porcius Cato, also known as Cato the Elder, described the Roman’s form of pizza as a “flat round of dough dressed with olive oil, herbs, and honey baked on stones.” Virgil referred to this food in “The Aeneid” as “cakes of flour or cakes of bread that Romans happily devoured.”
“Beneath a shady tree, the hero spread
His table on the turf, with cakes of bread;
And, with his chiefs, on forest fruits he fed.
They sate; and, (not without the god’s command,)
Their homely fare dispatch’d, the hungry band
Invade their trenchers next, and soon devour,
To mend the scanty meal, their cakes of flour.
Ascanius this observ’d, and smiling said:
“See, we devour the plates on which we fed.”
(Book VII, lines 141 – 49)
Roman Marcus Gavius Apicius’ “De Re Coquinaria” cookbook advanced the history of pizza making. Apicius described a pizzaesque food as a bread base topped with ingredients, such as, chicken, cheese, garlic, pepper, oil and mint, among others. Excavations at the site of Pompeii uncovered places with equipment used to create this pizza-like street food. Are these signs of the first pizzeria? What we know is that this pizzaesque food had been a staple in Pompeii over 1900 years ago.
A close look at the history of pizza cannot conclusively answer who invented pizza. Even today, many Chinese believe the origin of pizza starts with China’s green-onion pancake or cong you bing. Those who study the history of pizza say pizza could have evolved from China. In 1295, Marco Polo returned from China persuading a Naples chef to recreate this stuffed-pancake. Though difficult to recreate, Marco Polo advanced the history of pizza making when he suggested that the filling be placed on top not inside. This technique was wildly successful, adding to the history of pizza. Although the creation of flat bread with toppings resembles a green-onion pancake, it remains a mystery still whether the history of pizza starts with China.
Two of the hardest things about being a parent heading toward or having already gone through divorce are: 1) When you get married you think you have a loving partner, best friend, and soul-mate to raise your family together for the rest of your life… and then one day your dream is simply gone; and 2) Realizing the potential lifelong emotional and psychological impact on your kids, yet not knowing what to do about it.
Did you sign up for the emotional pain of divorce? The frustration, the hurt, the sorrow, the anger, the anxiety, the loss of trust, the loss of sense of family, the grief, being concerned about your kids?
Of course not! The emotional pain is overwhelming and crippling and the impact on your kids can be devastating.
Divorce is a difficult process, even if your separation is amicable.
An assumption many individuals make going into divorce is that their partner will actually be reasonable and they’ll be able to work together to avoid the financial and emotional impact on them, their children, and the entire family.
One of the most tragic ironies of divorce is that often trust and integrity are replaced with resentment, anger, anxiety, and spite. It’s human nature to get back at someone who has hurt you.
The tragedy of this subconscious determination is that the main people it hurts are you and your children.
So, how do you consciously change things to have a more beneficial impact?
Since the 1990’s divorce rates have been increasing at an alarming rate. Among adults 50 years and up, the divorce rate has doubled. (according to statistics from the National Center for Health Statistics and US Census Bureau).
Why is the divorce rate skyrocketing?
I believe the reasons are a combination of being conditioned during childhood, a lack of awareness, and the tendency to be self-centered.
I’m not sure exactly when things started to change for my ex and me from the dream of being lifelong partners, but WOW, things did change… quickly and dramatically!
We started being together less and less, communications became minimal. We stopped doing things for each other.
We scheduled a family trip with our 3-year-old daughter, hoping the situation would improve.
Upon returning home, we immediately fell into an even darker abyss. Not long after, the ex told me to move out of the house.
I was in complete shock! Yet I was so fed up with the way things were between us that I said “okay!”. I moved out, never to return “home”.
It took me by surprise when a few months later the ex told me she had hoped I would fight for her, for us to be together. I was flabbergasted that she would play games during such a challenging and difficult time for us, and for our daughter.
Reflecting back to this time, I realized not only did I not want to get back together, I had NO IDEA how to navigate what would be a truly bumpy and rocky road of divorce. Neither did the ex.
The day I committed to STOP reacting with anger and to remain calm no matter what, was the day things started to change.
I began to maintain more control over my own reactive emotions. Initially I had no idea that by changing my behavior, the ex would change hers over the next few months as a result.
We certainly weren’t perfect, but we definitely created some major improvement.
The most beneficial effect was on our almost 4-year-old, now 23 year old daughter.
I am grateful to God, to my ex, and to myself that our daughter turned out so well in spite of the two of us. The lessons I learned from the endless challenges of our divorce situation have had a tremendous impact on my life.
For me, change started when I realized I did NOT want to continue down the same dark path and knew I needed to gain Clarity for what I really wanted for my daughter.
This in turn spurred me to realize the importance of Forgiveness, first and foremost of myself. This helped me to let go of dark emotions consuming me and to shift the energy into my commitment to remain calm.
What can you do to learn how to let go of the dark emotions?
Learning from someone who has been where you are and not only survived, but thrived, is the best way to save time, avoid additional pain and hurt, and to figure out how to create the shift you really want for the sake of your kids.
My wife Laurie and I have each been through the pain, agony, and challenges of divorce. We have worked with counselors and coaches, read books, journaled, deepened our faith, and done the self-work.
We created The EX-Factor brand and philosophy for the sake of children of divorce… and for your sake as their parent.
Our heartfelt mission is to help loving parents like you learn how to let go of the anger, frustration, regret, resentment… and to heal the grief… so you can move forward based on the understanding that everything you say and do as a parent teaches and impacts your kids. When you gain Clarity for what you want for your kids, you can map out a plan to actually make it reality.
My book “Split Harmony: Turn The EX-Factor from Chaos to Compassion” led to our designing and creating “The Creating A Harmonious Split Master Course”.
The course is an online video course that guides you step by step through four proven life-based principles to create a more harmonious split environment between you and your ex for the sake of your kids, the innocent victims of divorce.
The Creating A Harmonious Split Master Course
Sign up now and feel the difference tomorrow!
(Go to the Author’s Resource Box for access)
STOP the unbearable Emotional Pain!
STOP the Financial Drain of the legal fees of the divorce attorneys!
Step Up and Put Your Kids First!
Let Go and Take Control… of yourself and of the underlying dynamics between you and the ex.
There is light at the end of the tunnel…
With Heartfelt Compassion,
Peter and Laurie Hobler
Our Mission: To help parents of divorce create an environment of split harmony for the sake of their kids.